AboveStress.com is dedicated to helping you relieve unwanted stress so that you can enjoy what you do and how you live.

Our Mission

AboveStress.com’s mission is to provide the best expert tools, the most supportive community, and best evidence-based knowledge to help you reduce stress and live your life to the fullest.

Dr. Lyle Miller, Research Director

Dr. Lyle Miller, a renowned Stress Management expert and author, has dedicated his  professional life to the measurement, analysis, and treatment of stress and stress-related ailments and complaints.

Dr. Miller was the founder and director of the Biobehavioral Institute of Boston and Stress Directions Inc.  Dr. Miller helps individuals and companies address personal and organizational stresses. He and his staff have counseled thousands of patients to help identify their  stress  susceptibility, stress symptoms, and chart a personal action plan to address them.

Dr. Miller also worked with BellSouth, IBM, Gillette, the U.S. State Department, and the U.S. Forestry Service to guide those agencies and companies to identify the patterns and costs of organizational stress.

Dr. Miller is the author of The Stress Solution and Stress and Marriage. He also has held several academic posts, including as Professor and Chairman of the Department of Biobehavioral Sciences at Boston University.

As the Research Director of AboveStress, Inc., Dr. Miller will not only use his professional expertise, but also his personal life experience to help people unlock the secret to a healthier lifestyle that brings you more meaningful achievements with less stress.

Dr. Mike Zhang, Founder/CEO

AboveStress.com is founded by Dr. Mike Zhang, a serial entrepreneur who is on a personal quest to live a less stressful and a more meaningful life.  Previously he has cofounded and managed various successful internet ventures including Diet.com.

Controlling environmental stress begins at home. For most of us home is a haven, a safe harbor, where we can lick our wounds, and rest and restore our energies before returning to the fray. Hassles in the house rob us of this haven. When the kitchen is piled with dishes, the table is covered with magazines and mail, the floor strewn with toys, and the cat box hasn’t been emptied all week, home is no haven.

Take control of those daily hassles and create soothing and beautiful surroundings can reduce your stress and provide you a place for renewal.  

When you can’t even see where to start with your house – if every room is needing attention, and the garden and attic are about to fall apart, remember to call on your goal setting skills.  Just thinking about it is not enough!

• You have to know what it is that you want to accomplish. If you’re not sure, sit down and think about it for awhile.
• Once you’ve come up with your overall goal, set up sub goals that will lead you to achieve it – getting the right equipment, or getting help on certain days (such as for moving heavy furniture).
• Don’t start until you know what it is you want to accomplish and how.
• Write down a date line for works – if you have a deadline, then you have a concrete point to work towards.
• Begin one job at a time, in a logical way, and seeing one room done, then another, will give you the impetus to carry on. Good luck!

A few reminders:

• Don’t forget to get the kids involved – get their help in sorting out the garage, or tidying up the garden.
• Kids might be more enthusiastic about cleaning their room, if they are allowed to choose the color scheme and help paint it!
• Use time management skills – even just a one-hour blitz twice a week (with no interruptions) could make a big difference on your stress level.

There are times when there’s nothing you can do to avoid or alter social stress.  Times when people won’t like you no matter what you do or don’t do. When it happens, you need to follow these steps to cope:

1. Don’t take it personally. Develop a thick skin. Take pride in your ability to tolerate isolation, alienation, and social conflict.
2. Remind yourself that self-respect and integrity come first. To be alone is not  necessarily to be lonely.
3. Schedule time to just be alone with yourself. Don’t wait until you’re having someone over to make your living space warm, pleasant, and inviting. Keep it that way for the most important person in your life—you. Don’t wait until you have company for dinner to set a nice table and prepare a good meal. Do it for yourself. You deserve it.
4. If you have the room and facilities, a pet can be a wonderful source of companionship and can alleviate stress and loneliness.
5. Find ways to meet people – join a club or society that is a subject you are interested in, and you will instantly find people with whom you have something in common.
6. Try volunteer work to boost your social life.
7. The internet has a brilliant array of match-making sites, and it is no longer taboo to say you met the love of your life online.  Why not have fun with it, and go out on a few dates – practice those intimacy skills. 

Are you getting pressure from your credit card suppliers?  Are you struggling to meet the monthly repayments? Are high interest rates making it  impossible for you to reduce your balance?  These can all induce stress, but don’t panic.  Here are a few tips to take it one step a time.

• Your first port of call is to contact your creditors immediately if you are having trouble making the ends meet or paying off the debt even the minimum amount.  It is in their interest to get their money back, so they should be open to negotiation.
• There are companies who will help you to consolidate your loans and negotiate affordable repayments to your creditors on your behalf.  However, watch out for credit repair scam.  Here are a few tips on avoiding unscrupulous companies: http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/alerts/alt097.shtm
• Try to work out a modified payment plan that reduces your payments to a more manageable level.
• Remember, be proactive!  Don’t wait until your accounts have been turned over to a debt collector.   Often it is much easier to deal with the credit card company than to deal with the debt collectors.

However, if you DO have to deal with debt collector, you are protected by the Fair Debt Collection Practices Act. You do have civil rights when it comes to debt collection.  It is a federal law that dictates how and when a debt collector may contact you.  Debt collector may not call you before 8 a.m., after 9 p.m., or while you’re at work if the collector knows that your employer doesn’t approve of the calls. Collectors may not harass you, lie, or use unfair practices when they try to collect a debt. And they must honor a written request from you to stop further contact. Make sure you know your rights!

Stressful family situations always involve other people.  One reason for the lack of good communication is the difficulty of truly understanding someone who is different from yourself.  With friends, you tend to have something in common, usually around the same age, and you choose to be with them.  Individuals within a family have distinct personalities and individual differences. There are huge age differences, and possibly different cultural, religious, or socioeconomic backgrounds, if the parents have moved from another country. Even men and women communicate differently.

Pointers for clear, concise, effective communication

1. Be brief. Make requests or statements short. Too much discussion can obscure your main idea.
2. Be direct and clear. Say what you need or want from the other person. Hints are likely to be missed or misinterpreted. Avoid vague or confusing messages. Be specific.
3. Make “I” statements. Speak from your own perspective about how a stress situation affects you. Steer away from statements about the other person. “You” statements like “You should…” or “You should talk” are likely to make the other person defensive or irritated and cut off further meaningful communication.
4. Let your family know what effect their actions or words have on you. A good form to follow is “When you do …, I feel … “ If you say, “When you are late, I get anxious about your safety,” you accept responsibility for your reaction, and  give feedback to your family member about how his or her actions affect you.
5. Make sure your verbal and nonverbal messages are the same. Saying “I’m not angry” when you’re frowning and speaking in a sharp voice is confusing.
6. Be a good listener. Pay attention when someone is speaking to you, keep good eye contact, nod, and encourage further communication by asking for clarification. Give feedback that shows you understood, by paraphrasing what the other person has said or things like, ”It sounds like you get upset when you …”

It takes practice to develop communication skills that work smoothly. One way to practice is to have regular family roundtables where each person gets to speak uninterrupted for five or ten minutes using the guidelines we outlined. After all family members have finished, have a discussion period where other members get a short period to respond.  Remember, one member shouldn’t dominate the discussion.

Life always involves changes and changes always bring stresses . Change is an inevitable part of normal development and growth. As we grow and mature from childhood to adolescence to adulthood to maturity and senescence, we go through changes in residence, in our living conditions, personal habits, interpersonal relationships, and recreational activities. They involve leaving something familiar behind and moving on to something new and unsettling in its uncertainty.

Sometimes it is the smaller things that can contribute to it; even a minor violation of the law, such as a speeding ticket, tests your endurance and well-being, thereby creating personal doubts, self-examination, anxiety, depression, and illness. 

In addition, most of us worry about attractiveness, weight, aging, or physical changes in your body as a result of personal injury, illness, or time, but it can start to destroy peace of mind and affects your relationships with  yourself and other people.

Personal stress is difficult no matter how many skills you have for dealing with it.  Most of us need outside help to enhance our personal skills and address specific stress concerns. Here are a few idea of outside help:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavior therapy focuses on the irrational thoughts and ideas that lead to a loss of self-esteem and create self-defeating attitudes. Changing the way you think makes it possible for you to change the way you feel and behave. Check with your local mental health professional organizations for an appropriate referral. 

Group Therapy

Group therapy can be helpful in establishing a realistic view of yourself. Other group members reactions and comments may provide you with ideas and viewpoints about yourself that you never would have thought about in other settings. One of the powerful elements in group therapy is that you can get some very good ideas about you impact on other people without jeopardizing existing relationships or creating  psychological vulnerabilities for you in your every day life. 

Counseling

Sometimes you don’t really need therapy, you just need to talk things out and get some professional opinions and advice on what you should do and how you might do it.  Check with your local mental health professional organizations for a referral to a professional counselor.  They will be able to refer you on if they think your problem needs to be looked at in more depth.

Psychotherapy

Sometimes at different stages, traumatic events can embed themselves in our psyches.  At this point, it may be a good idea to see a psychotherapist.  Psychotherapy increases your awareness of deep-seated psychological problems, minimizes the emotional “baggage” you carry, and develops a more realistic view of yourself, and your relationship to the rest of the world.

    • Ask your family physician for a referral to a psychotherapist or you can contact your state psychological association, state psychiatric association, or state social work association. 

    • Get at least three names and interview these therapists before you begin any therapy with one of them. The best indicator of whether a therapist is the right one for you is your degree of trust with them. 

    • If you’re not comfortable or find them difficult to talk to, move on. You owe it to yourself to get that right therapist.   

You can also invest in AboveStress online community where you can share your challenges and insights with your peers.  You can ask questions, post a blog, or start/join a group.  Just remember we are here to root for you.

Relaxation

What is it?

Deep breathing techniques are a sure fire way to conquer stress and distribute oxygen around the body more efficiently. When we talk about deep breathing, it is the act of taking the air right down into your diaphragm, rather than shallow breathing into the rib cage. This technique is also known as “belly breathing” as the expansion of the abdomen occurs as the air is taken in.

In stressful situations, if you are unable to practice diaphragmatic breathing, it could lead to hyperventilation syndrome.

How does it work?

Imagine your lungs as an accordion – there is a set of muscles at each end of the rib cage that helps pull air into and out of the lungs. Using the muscles at the upper chest only, you can’t get in much air. By using the diaphragm muscle at the bottom, abdominal organs are pushed aside, resulting in up to 30% more air getting into the lungs with each breath.

How to practice this technique:

First of all, it is useful to establish whether you are a chest breather or a diaphragmatic breather.

• Let the air out of your lungs
• Count to three
• At three, inhale as quickly and as deeply as you can. Hold it.

Note the following:

• Did you breathe mostly through your mouth or nose?
• Did your shoulders go up?
• Does it feel tight around your neck and throat?
• Does it feel as if the upper parts of your lungs are especially full?

If so, you probably tend to breathe more with the upper part of your lungs.

If, however, when you breathed quickly, your belt or waist band got tight, your stomach pushed out, and you felt fullness in the lower part of your chest or abdomen, your diaphragm was doing most of the work.

Try the quick breath a couple of more times, noticing more closely your automatic pattern.

Try this exercise when you feel stressed:

1. Sit or lie comfortably. Avoid wearing tight fitting clothes for this exercise.
2. Put one hand on your chest and one on your stomach.
3. Slowly inhale through your nose or through pursed lips (to slow down the intake of breath).
4. As you inhale, feel your stomach expand with your hand.
5. Slowly exhale through pursed lips, thus regulating the release of air.
6. Rest and repeat.

How often?

This is a very easy and beneficial way to control your stress at any time. A few deep breaths could help to calm the body and mind. In fact, with further practice, performing diaphragmatic breathing can be therapeutic and can even become a standard way of breathing.

Other tips and caveats:

• Stresses of modern life can result in over-stimulation of the sympathetic nervous system, and as society idealizes a hard, flat belly, many people carry excessive tension in the belly, chest, and back, which makes it difficult for the diaphragm to move freely through its full range of motion.
• In some people the diaphragm can be dysfunctional, in which case it is better to switch to SLOW breathing, rather than deep.
• Yoga, pranayama and other Eastern influenced holistic practices can help people feel better with simple and effective breathing and movement practices.
• Many people who stutter can benefit from using diaphragmatic breathing to help them gain more control over their speech.

What is it?

Experts consider this simple, effective technique as THE most useful for those who describe stress anxiety as making them “uptight” or tense.

It is a technique that releases muscle tension, through deliberately tensing and then relaxing sixteen different muscle groups in turn, at the same time paying close attention to the feelings associated with tension and relaxation.

PMR can help you if your stress symptoms include:

• Backaches
• Tension headaches
• Tightness in the jaw
• Tightness around the eyes
• High blood pressure
• Muscle spasms
• Gastrointestinal disorders
• Insomnia
• Racing thoughts

How does it work?

Progressive Muscle Relaxation is the tensing and then relaxing each muscle group of the body, one group at a time. Although this technique sounds simple, it may take several sessions to master it fully. Learning PMR is like learning any other motor skill, so it takes practice.

The idea is to tense up a group of muscles – tense hard but don’t strain – and hold for about 5-10 seconds. Then release the tension from the muscles all at once.  Stay relaxed for 10 – 20 seconds.  Don’t expect to totally relax the first few times you try. The main point in the beginning is that you must learn how the sensations of tension and relaxation differ.

As you progress, you will notice times when you are even more relaxed than before. With regular practice you will become relaxed in a shorter time. Then you can shorten the exercise time by skipping the tensing of certain muscles and moving directly to the relaxation phase.

How to practice this technique:

Some people like to listen to a 20 minute scripted audio to talk them through this process, as it takes around 20 to 30 minutes to complete the whole relaxation technique.   There is a range available online. With time, you may be able to do it from memory.

It is important that you are not disturbed whilst practicing the technique. Find and quiet place, dim the lights, sit in a comfortable, upright chair with your feet on the floor. Pay attention to your mood: are you frustrated or tense? Is there any specific tightness or stiffness in your body? Being aware of this now is very important, as it is your point of reference to compare yourself before and after practicing the technique.

Here are the basics of PMR:

• Sitting quietly and comfortably, with your eyes closed, slowly inhale and exhale.
• Bend your right hand back at the wrist; feel and hold the tension; count to 7. Now relax.
• Now do the same with the left hand; feel and hold the tension: then relax.
• Next, tighten both hands into fists and hold that tension. You might feel it spread up your arms towards your elbows. Hold 7 – 10 seconds, then relax.
• Bend both arms at the elbow and raise your hands up to the shoulders, and tense up the biceps; hold for 7 – 10 seconds; relax. Each time you relax, sink into that feeling for up to 15 seconds.
• Next the face – raise your eyebrows to tense the muscles in your forehead; hold that and then relax.
• Squeeze your eyelids tightly together and hold that tension. Then relax.
• Next, the jaw muscles – clamp your teeth together and feel the tension in the jaw. Count to 7. Now relax.
• The neck can be tensed by dropping your chin to the chest – feel the tightening in the back of the neck. Then relax.
• Raise your shoulders as high as you can, notice that tension. Now drop them and relax.
• The chest exercise combines two elements: take a deep breath and hold it, and at the same time try to touch your shoulder blades together (by pulling the arms back) – hold that tension. Then relax.
• Pull your stomach in as if trying to use it to touch your backbone. Keep that tension. Then relax.
• Next, the back – arch out and away from the chair, feeling the tension in the spine. Hold. Now relax.
• Press your feet down into the floor, feeling the tension spread up the back of your legs. Hold, then relax.
• Take the right thigh, stretch your leg up in front of you, hold that tension for 7 seconds. Then relax.
• Repeat this process on the left hand side.
• Now, the feet. Bend the toes upwards, as if to the ceiling, feeling the tension around the feet and ankles. Hold – and then relax.

How often?

The recommended daily practice of this technique is for 20 minutes, twice a day.

Cautions and tips:

• Those on medication for thyroid conditions, diabetes, cardiac regulation or hypertension should consult a physician prior to starting a regime of PMR.
• Also see your physician before practising PMR if you have a history of back problems, serious injury or muscle spasms, as the deliberate tensing of the muscles could exacerbate any pre-existing condition.
• Some people experience a sensation of floating or feel as though they have lost sensations in their limbs. This is not unusual. The sensation should pass in a few minutes – if discomfort continues, slowly open your eyes, have a stretch and regain your bearings.
• Practise on an empty stomach, because the process of food digestion tend to disrupt the relaxation.
• Above all, allow yourself to be positive – do not judge your performance. Make a decision to put on hold all the concerns and worries of the day, so that the mind can be given high priority and is able to concentrate on the technique.

Useful links:

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/pmr.htm

http://www.stress-relief-exercises.com/progressive_muscle_relaxation.html

What is it?

Most people go through their day with no awareness of their very basic needs, feelings and other physical sensations. The mind is a filter that does not allow the individual to focus on all the information available to them; pain, noise and discomfort can be endured and basically ignored at times. In some circumstances this is good news; but should the individual unconsciously blot out physical sensations such as muscle pain, hunger or fatigue, it can be dangerous to ignore those warning signs.

Body awareness helps you develop a greater sensate focus. It shows us that it can be a major stress reliever to just stop and take stock – taste your food, really listen to music, and enjoy your body’s connection to the earth.

How does it work?

You can become aware of the physiological response of your body to stress following this technique.  It involves biofeedback, which literally translates to “body feedback”.  The individual can be trained to improve their health by listening to signals from their own body. Your body constantly responds to physical signals and you interpret those and respond to their demands. For instance, if you are hungry, you eat.

The clue is to make a note of the physical messages that get tuned out. The greater the awareness of the symptoms, the greater the ability to relieve them.

How to practice this technique:

Sit or lie down, and try to be quiet and comfortable. Close your eyes, and take a moment to notice any anxiety or tension in your body. Don’t say this aloud –  just think about them.

• Can you feel tension in your head?
• Can you feel tightness in your jaw, chin or forehead?
• Is your stomach rumbling?
• Are you too hot or too cold?
• Do you have any itches or tingles?
• Do you feel a knot in your stomach? Or are reactions more subtle?
• Is your shoe too tight and causing discomfort?

Throughout the rest of the day, take extra care to notice the very act of being a human being.  Taste your food thoroughly. Feel yourself connecting your foot to the earth, noticing each footfall. Listen to music intently, without any disturbances. Touch an unusual texture with full awareness. Notice the colors, textures and patterns of objects near you.

How often?

This sensuous world is all around you, all the time! Make time to experience it, especially when in stressful situations.

Tips and caveats:

• For health concerns, identify sensations which give you goods information  – e.g. for low or high blood sugar levels, increase your awareness of when to snack or take extra medication.
• This Sensate Focus technique can also be used for those with sexual concerns. By relaxing the mind, we can listen more to the body.

Useful sites:

http://healthylifestyle.upmc.com/StressBodyAwareness.htm